Basic Thuganomics

"So... You think you're untouchable?..."



John Cena enters, sporting a Basketball Jersey and chains.



He enters the ring, requests a mic, and wastes no time speaking

{{John Cena}}
Yo, Yo, Yo....
Yo Steen, you wanted a more serious Cena? Well now you've got it.
It's time for me to go back to the Basic Thuganomics.
Kissing babies, signing posters? Man I'm over that.
I only look at the crowd now to see which ladies asses I would smack.
But I still Rise Above Hate, after all I'm still John Cena.
I'll still give you an AA, but then I'll make you suck my wiener.

Cena takes out a plastic Hot Dog toy from his pocket and holds it up as he says that last line, before tossing it at the camera.



{{John Cena}}
In the ring I'm a machine, with no off switch,
If you're a betting man, bet on me, I'll make you rich.
You see, I can't lose, I just don't know how to,
I'm the guy who knocks you out before you get to round two.
I'm like a combination of Chuck Norris and Bruce Lee,
I'm like the Flash, because you can't see me.
I'm the best in the world, and that's without a single doubt.
Try to prove me otherwise and I'll knock your CM Punk ass out!
And Jericho, tonight I'm gonna drop you to the ground.
Like Ryback's mouth does when you pull your pants down.
And yo Stone Cold, I'm coming for you, I hope you know.
And that right there's the bottom line cause I said so!
And Hulk, I want you and your buddies to know you're in a battle you can't win.
I'll have you all stuttering, like when my nuts were on your chin!
I'm calling everyone's asses out, the more enemies the more asses to kick,
So if any of you bitches have a problem come out here so you can SUCK MY...

Cena holds the mic up as the crowd yells DICK!!!

TBC

{To John Cena's surprise a theme song hits almost right away as Cena challenges more enemies to come out. It's Sean O'Haire! The European Champion walks down the ramp holding his title belt as Cena stares on. He slips into the belt and there's noticeably something a bit different about Sean O'Haire...}

[Sean O'Haire] So Cena, you think you're impressing somebody? Rapping is easy, I'll show you how it's really done... This should be kind of fun...

Cena, you come out here and try to be like Eminem,
But that's just impersonating an impersonator,
I'll explain: you don't have one hater,
There's nothing to rise above,
Because you try to be a thug, but you're more girly than a dove.
No, John Cena, we won't suck your wiener,
but we will get a censor bar to make your mouth cleaner.
I'm the devil's advocate and you're too foul for hip-hop,
You'll be the gangster and I'm your rap cop.
You can't step to me because you're not a real OG,
You can't run around and say "F*** The Po-lice"
Or I'll just slap some handcuffs on your wrists,
I'm starting to get pissed, but you're getting dissed,
Christmas just passed, but I'll write your Christmas list.
You need some manners,
you claim to be American; don't you sing about the star spangled banner?
Wait, what am I saying?
Let your cusses keep spraying.
Channel that anger and let these people have what's coming,
You've done all you could now's your chance to relax.
Kick back, eat some tick tacks, and don't rise above hate.
That's what they want, but that's not fate.
Give some revenge because I advise,
It'd be wise to make these people know you're not all lies.
They think you're all talk, you're a big dog with lots of bark,
Show them the bite, Cena, do it tonight, and do it right.
Disown the audience, fall into temptation,
There's no need for any contemplation.
It's Monday so why don't you tell us Cena... What do you say?

[TBC Cena]

{{John Cena}}
Yo, your rhythm is whack, and you got no beat,
Your timing is off and your rhymes are weak,
I see what you're doing, you're as see through as glass,
Now turn around and bend over, so that I can kick your ass.
I ain't turning on these people no matter what you say,
Because my hustle, loyalty and respect towards them will never go away.
I know you're jealous of my biceps and the size of my ding dong,
I know you hate hearing "Lets go Cena" yet not one "Let's go Sean!"
And the only one that needs censoring around here is you,
to stop your lies from being heard on all of these people's tubes.
So either shut up or put up, cause frankly I'm sick of talking,
If you knew what was good for you, your punk ass would start walking...

TBC Seab Only

[Sean O'Haire]
Really? Is that all you got?
I mean, I just thought..
Forget this, all you're doing is complaining like a drunk driver who just got caught.
The game just got brought, you're about to get taught this real rap.
Everything you say sounds like nothing but bull crap.
But your hustle, loyalty, and respect?
If you traded them in then maybe you'd have a real rep.
Cena your shtick is old and you've worn out the gimmick.
You're always telling us to suck yours, but you can suck my

*Raises mic for a second and crowd shouts dick*

[Sean O'Haire]
See, it's easy being you because you're being someone else.
And the real reason you try to get all of these kids is so they'll visit your house...
Then they'd probably be lucky
if they got out of there in better condition than Jerry Sandusky.
I've heard you say that you'll never give up,
but the truth is you've tapped more times than Snooki's been f***ed.
I'm not even a rapper; I hate the sport.
That's why it's sad this rap battle was real short.
You didn't stand a chance with this rap rookie,
Lookie, lookie, Sean O'Haire just proved to the world John Cena's a big pussy.

[TBC Cena]

{{John Cena}}
Lookie, lookie, lookie at who's trying to be Eminem now,
stealing lines from his rap battles in 8 Mile.
My "shtick" is getting old? Well unlike you this ain't a gimmick,
That's why I'm on the magazines while we saw your face diminish.
What you see is what you ge-

All of a sudden... BREAK THE WALLS DOWN!!!

TBC Jericho.